Never Escaping

This short story is a work of fiction. The events never really happened anywhere outside of my imagination. Please give me constructive criticisms  on this piece.

The hacking came from everywhere in the hospital where I laid in my gown. A curtain separated me from the room, but I could tell that the walls were white. The mint green curtains held up by bright silver metal billowed when someone walked by, giving me glimpses of other rusted cots.

Nurse Claire, a gray old lady whose hair never stayed in the gauze cap on the top of her head, came by to give me my meds. I just pretended to take them for her sake. I didn’t feel the pain I was supposed to feel until later. The meds start to work quickly after it slips down my esophagus, so I didn’t want to feel the escape yet. I hadn’t written down my experience.

It all started when I was three. My mother had given me to the Guild to save me from a life of poverty that she had been forced to live in by her late husband. The Guild kept me on charge until my eleventh birthday, then I had to pay my way. Other children of my sex immediately threw themselves into the prostitution ring within the Guild, but I found myself in the practice fields with the boys.

They would not allow me to join them in the actual lessons, but the boys taught me during practice times when the instructors were elsewhere. I found my proficiencies in archery and grappling. I practiced hard everyday and soon I was good enough to join the boys on the hunting parties. Of course I had to dress like a man.

However, that was not what put me in the hospital. I was running away from the Guild to enter the forbidden. Our Guild Master, Thomas, forbade us from leaving the simple life to go into the world that had motor vehicles.

“Simple is better, Children. Remember that and you will survive this world of cut-throats,” he had said at the end of every book lesson. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I was sure he was wrong. The Guild had things going on that the law books claimed were illegal.

I reached the main road three days after my escape and I started down the road. I had not been a popular girl since I did not indulge in the acts of my peers. My purity was still intact and would be until I chose otherwise. The would not notice me until I had already established a life in the outside world.

I was on the main road until I reached a small town two days later. Smartstown was bustling full of people who stared at my clothing. I was astonished they were not staring at my short hair. I had chopped it off to disguise myself in case I was spotted leaving the facilities.

At some sort of mess hall I entered and walked right up to the man behind the bar serving drinks.

“Where could I find some work?” I asked. The bartender gestured to a sign that said that you had to hold a legal “ID” to work in the bar. I wasn’t sure what an “ID” was, but I wanted to get one. I was heading out to find out where I could get one when the fight started. I huddled close to the bar, dodging chairs and glasses. It was mayhem with all the stuff flying everywhere. A small white ball flew over my head into the bartender’s forehead which had started wrinkling. He pulled out a gun and aimed it for the first person to start the entire thing, but that man jumped the bar to grab an empty glass bottle. He broke it on the bar and held it to my throat, stopping the bartender.

“Come, now. You don’t want to do that, Boy.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Old Man. I’m gonna take this girl out real slow and if anyone gets in my way I’ll kill her,” he said, dragging me towards the door. When he turned to open it I side-stepped the bottle and kicked him right between the legs. He stooped, but his friend grabbed me by my upper arms and tried to pull me out. I was throwing small punches and kicking him the best I could until I felt something go into my back. The man dropped me in an instant and ran away. I blacked out.

When I woke up I was in this hospital, having just been operated on by the kindly doctor. Since we didn’t have any names in the Guild I’ve been called Jane Doe until they could figure out what happened. No one seemed to believe my story and the police refused to look into the Guild.

I stared at the floor, annoyed that my back had started fussing up again. I looked at the pills in my hand before swallowing them both in one gulp. The cup of water that Nurse Claire always left by my bed was in my hand heading towards my lips when the curtains billowed again. Guild Master Thomas stepped through the gap. His words left me feeling cold.

“You know you can never escape the Guild.”

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About blackwinterrosethorn

I am an artist and a writer whose living in Virginia. I go to Hollins University and I am a double minor in Creative Writing and Music. I've been writing for about eleven or twelve years. I've been singing forever and I have been drawing and painting for four or five years. I am open to doing commissions and collaborative pieces. View all posts by blackwinterrosethorn

3 responses to “Never Escaping

  • stephenpaterson

    Enjoyed this, but I think you are trying to cover way too much territory in too few words. I spent, for example, several paragraphs wondering what caused the hacking referred to in the first two words, but it was never explained. If we’re to be left wondering, surely she should be left wondering too, and its cause should be revealed at some point?

    How’s she know it started when she was three? Why, when “other children of my sex immediately threw themselves into the prostitution ring within the Guild…I found myself in the practice fields with the boys”?

    Make it into a novel instead of a short story and cover all the bases, could have a best seller here, but for me it reads like it’s been strait-jacketed to meet a tight word count.

  • Legal Robes

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  • Marcia Tomkiewicz

    interesting site, happy i took the time to read it, if you have more similar articles will be checking back to read them sometime.

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