Warning: This may seem a little disturbing. Do not read if you are easily offended.
“Why do you doubt it, Sweetie?” I whispered, leaning onto his shoulder. Gregor’s arm automatically came up around me, holding me to him. His dark, brown eyes locked onto mine and before I knew it he had me on the cushions, snuggling.
“Angels are just like the two lovely ladies upstairs, except they’re worse. They have problems with demons and tend to poke vulnerable places in our emotions. Grandfather loves having them around, but Father… It bothers him. Mother just ends up amused,” he replied, taking my hand in his. The Brownies floated over and bowed deeply to Gregor before a pure, white envelope appeared in midair. Gregor grabbed it before it could drop as the Fae disappeared. As he opened the envelope, a bright light burst from it, blinding me.
“God! Fucking bright light!”
“Grandfather!” Gregor growled, pulling my hands from my eyes when the light had disappeared. A note, or invitation, fell out with engraved words in gold. The cardstock itself was as white as the envelope it had come in. A key fell out as well, shiny silver against Gregor’s red skin. He held it to the light of the candled chandelier, turning it this way and that. I snatched the invitation from his hand.
It was from Gregor’s grandfather, but I didn’t make it past the first line before it was in his hands again. His eyes scanned the page religiously, as if searching for the meaning of life. A bag of chips suddenly landed in my lap, the Pixie responsible disappearing faster than you could pronounce their names.
“Wait. Bright, white light with white paper and Pat—your brother mentioned that your grandfather had a house with many rooms,” I said, leaning forward to Gregor to search his eyes. “And your grandfather is around Angels. Please tell me this isn’t what I think it means.”
“Well, what do you think?” Gregor asked, taking his eyes off the invitation, finally. His right hand rubbed up and down my right arm. The soothing strokes almost distracted me from my thoughts. Almost.
“Your grandfather’s God. You’re a direct descendant of the Almighty Something-stuck-up-my-ass, which means that your father must be one of the original fallen,” I murmured, sitting back further. The gears in my head started turning faster than ever as I counted up the two times I’d been chased by Gregor’s brother—or brothers—and the Army of Hell. Cursing, I stood up from the cushion. Turning on Gregor, I aimed my deadliest glare at him. At least it would be if looks could kill.
“Yes, my grandfather’s God. He’s such a—“
“Your father is Lucifer!” I shouted, backing away. A demon that none should mess with, except for two. Even using his less powerful name was dangerous, but I was willing to take the chance.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, leaning against the wall I had run into. He sighed before leaning forward. Another deep breath alerted me to the presence of extreme tension. Relenting the anger that had not really been there, I returned to his side and snuggled into him. Gregor kissed my forehead, holding me close to him. I was his lifeline in that moment.
“Because most people run away from me when I tell them.’
“He has over eighty kids,” I finally muttered. Gregor laughed his full belly laugh before kissing me fully on the mouth.
“He does. Seven of us are the—“
“Seven sins. I know,” I whispered, cuddling into his chest. “And you’re the equivalent of ‘Lust.’”
“How did you know?” he asked, kissing my cheek. I rolled my eyes before gesturing to the entire building. Come on, it was being held up by magic and sex. He laughed again before standing to walk to the kitchen. I followed quickly, returning the chips that had never left my hands to the cabinet they belonged in.
“What did God want?” I asked, pulling out a large pot and some boxes of spaghetti. The process of getting the water boiling was fast, so Gregor just ambled up behind me.
“Family dinner. A really big one, according to Patarion,” Gregor responded, helping with the noodles. “He wants you to come.”
I stopped for a millisecond, but it was enough for Gregor to finish supper. Mockingly, I admonished him on taking over something I loved to do. A flirtatious grin over took his face as he tried to feed me, but I insisted on feeding myself. He seemed annoyed, but it disappeared from his face in the next instance. He was an amusing study in emotions, though you wouldn’t have been able to tell with the bitches upstairs in the room. God, I wanted to kill them.
“Why does He want me to come?” I asked, starting to eat the remaining cheese on my plate. Gregor didn’t say anything at first and the atmosphere thickened until it was uncomfortable. I wiggled in my seat, trying to think of something to say to ease the tension you could cut with a dull, rusty spork.
“Apparently my father told him that you and I was an item. He wants to meet the girl who stole the demon of Lust’s heart,” Gregor said at last, keeping his eyes down casted. I stared at him, taking in each freckle and hair follicle until he finally looked up at me. Smiling, I stood and gestured for him to follow me. We walked up stairs and to the room we’d been sharing while I was there.
It’s a good thing I’m no Christian.
A few hours later Gregor led me to a vehicle on the outside of the tall-about-to-topple-over-tower I had never seen before. He helped me in and all I could see were futuristic computers mixed with laptops, and some of the ones from the eighties. Buttons were everywhere and there were more than one “do not press” buttons. Gregor joined me after a few minutes and typed rapidly. Soon, we were flying away.
We reached a splotch of pure, white, fluffy clouds and parked. Gregor acted like a gentleman, helping me out and escorting me to the biggest—and whitest—building I had ever seen. The path to the door was pure gold and the door was a strange mixture of gold and some sort of wood. A Doctor Who joke popped in my head, but I held it back. It would do no good to piss off our host. Especially since he could smite you without so much as a blink. Gregor knocked on the door and a tall man with blond hair opened the door.
“Hello, Gregorious. It was so nice of you to come,” the man said. I was a little afraid that I might burst out laughing, but I held it in better than the toga held in the Angel’s junk.
“Hello, Uncle Gabriel.”
“Who is this young lady, Gregorious?”
“Faith, this is Gabriel. Gabriel, this is Faith. She’s my companion,” Gregor responded, his voice taking an icy tone. Gabriel held up his hands as if to say that he wasn’t going to do anything, but there was a gleam in his eye that I didn’t trust. It spoke of promises I did not care to find out about.
“I won’t touch her, Nephew. Just remember to mind your manners around Father,” Gabriel said, leading us inside. We weren’t the first of the demons to arrive, but we were the last. Lucifer stood in his evil glory next to his father, whose righteous glory was making me feel like vomiting. There was so much white in the room, you would’ve thought that the entire squad of Angels were there. As soon as he saw us, Lucifer practically sprinted over and hugged Gregor.
“Thank Hell, you’re here. I don’t think I could’ve stood another one of your grandfather’s ‘An Angel and a Demon Walked into a Bar’ joke. My evilness are those not funny,” he murmured to us both.
“Father, this is Faith. Faith, this is my father, Lucifer,” Gregor said, changing subjects quickly. Lucifer grabbed my hand and kissed the same place Gregor had months earlier.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Faith. My son is quite taken with you.”
“Well, I don’t know about that…” I nervously trailed off. Gregor’s hands found their way to my hips, holding me as if I might break at any moment. Lucifer’s eyes trailed down and stopped. A smirk stole over his lips before he said something in Latin that made Gregor’s hands tighten on my hips. Taking his hands into my own, I leaned back into Gregor’s chest. I had always found him comforting.
“I see someone is quite attached.”
“Excuse me sir, I think I need to go take a seat somewhere,” I said to Lucifer before turning to Gregor. “Will you escort me?”
“Of course, love,” he replied, taking me to a cushioned fainting couch. We sat close together, holding hands. A demon passed us by, nodding his head at Gregor. Gregor returned the favor. Snuggled up to him, I almost fell asleep, but a gong sounded/ Gabriel approached us.
“Dinner is served. Where has Leviatorian gone?” he said, stopping an inch from my right food.
“Outside, I believe,” Gregor responded, coldly. Nodding, Gabriel started for the door where the demon from earlier seemed to be napping. Gregor helped me up and we started for the dining room, but we didn’t reach the doorway until after Gabriel called Gregor’s brother a “no good sloth.” The dining room looked like it was from one of those from a movie all about the royalties of old. When I looked up at the ceiling I felt like I was in the Cistine chapel for a second, until I realized where I was.
“Grandfather was never one for modesty. Ironic, right?” Gregor murmured into my ear, escorting me to a chair that looked uncomfortable as Hell. I laughed quietly as he pulled my chair out like a gentleman. Taking my seat, I watched Gregor move with grace there was no way he could have. The Lord stood at the head of the table, holding a glass of red-violet liquid.
“A toast!” He exclaimed. “I have the entire family at my table for supper. This sight makes me so proud of being a Father and grandfather. The best thing about this, Family, is that Gregor has brought his brand new girlfriend home to meet the family. Thank you so much for coming. Now for the news: I have decided to postpone the Rapture again. There’s too much that’s wrong here in Heaven. A tornado has torn down half of the house and the gold needs to be polished like it had been.”
“Father, is this really necessary? We already know you want to see the Mortals with flying cars, hovercraft, and time travel before you want to take them out of that. We have and always will have whatever they have on Earth,” Lucifer said, standing. Gregor sunk his head in his hands and I placed my hand on his thigh. Patarion across from me sent me a smile before pulling out a joint.
“No weed in Heaven, Patarion,” God said without missing a beat. The grin he wore on his face went from ear to ear. I wasn’t too sure if I liked the grin, but the food appeared all at once. We ate the food like it was the only thing we’d see for years. Carefully avoiding the wine and berries, I dug into my salmon like it was the first I had ever had. The seasoning was almost perfect, but it was missing something.
“Love, you’re a goddess,” Gregor said, leaning over to whisper in my ear. I blushed bright red before filling my mouth with water.
“Why are you avoiding the wine, Faith?” Lucifer asked, sounding concerned. I swallowed the water before facing him.
“Oh, old habits I guess. I’m used to dealing with the Fae,” I replied respectfully. “Its not safe to drink anything alcoholic in their realm.”
“Oh yes, the Fae. They are perplexing. I created them in another realm before creating my Angels, but I just didn’t like trying to deal with them. Their abilities of skirting around the truth without actually lying made a monotheistic society nearly impossible,” God said, eating a bit of bread. The irony of watching him with the bread nearly made me laugh. I held it together better than I thought I ever could.
“Is bread a major staple here?” I asked, looking around for some rice.
“Yes. We don’t eat rice up here because its not really our thing. Lucifer loves it though,” God responded, buttering another slice. The tension I had been waiting for arrived full force against all of us. Gregor’s breathing changed to a rapid pace from a calm and collected one. God just continued eating as if there wasn’t a giant, purple-and-green polka dotted elephant in the room. Aparantly they had disputes over what was better to eat. It was interesting, but Gregor needed to calm down. His lips were pulled into a thin line that partially revealed the teeth he only showed when angry. Patarion across from us leaned forward in his seat, his hands crushing the wood of the arms of his chair. Getting home would be the better idea of any.
“Gregor, love,” I whispered, getting his attention. “Can we go home? I’m not feeling too well. There is too much energy in the room.”
In no time I was in Gregor’s arms on the way back to his vehicle. Gabriel followed, but couldn’t keep up with a Demon who wanted to make sure his lover was safe and sound. He barely stopped to open the door, or close it as the vehicle sped off. I wasn’t sure if there were any speed limits between dimensions, but if there were we could probably expect a ticket in the mail. If the demon dimension even had mail, anyway. Gregor never answered my question involving that.
As soon as we were home Gregor carried me to the bedroom we’d been sharing and started tending to my every fake need. It took him a few hours to realized that I had faked my problem for the sole reason of getting him to an environment that was healthier for him.
“You faker,” he murmured, snuggling up beside me. “You weren’t feeling badly at all.”
“No, but you were starting to go evil for a moment.”
“Darling, I am evil.”
“Only around your family,” I responded, laughing. Before he could lean down and kiss me a bright light appeared. The face of God appeared and he glared at us both on the bed.
“Why did you leave?”
“I’m sorry, but we didn’t want to sit in the tension any longer.”
“Oh. So that’s how it is. I feel nothing, but contempt,” he growled before disappearing. Shrugging, I snuggled further into Gregor’s arms and fell fast asleep.
The next few weeks went by fast, until we remembered the bitches on the top floor. The fridge was stocked, but only enough for a month, so we had to walk up the stairs with bags full of food. Knocking on the door caused absolutely nothing, so I slowly opened the door. Rachel attempted to slip out, but I shoved her against the wall where she let out a small “oof.”
“We brought you food,” I said, gesturing to the bags that Gregor had taken from me.
“I’ll eat none of your Devil food you whore,” Rachel growled through clenched teeth. She reached towards the counter and picked up a knife. With a loud roar, Rachel attacked me. Catching her with my left hand, I turned her around so that the knife pressed against her own ribs. The blade slowly slid up her back, causing her to bleed.
“We’re trying to help you,” Gregor said, walking over to the counter and placing the bags of food on it. “I haven’t figured out how to get you home, yet. Patience.”
“We don’t have much patience, Demon,” Claire said from the chair that faced away from us.
“Well, you need some. I have been very patient with you both, but its running out,” I responded, pulling the knife from Rachel’s hand and shoving her towards Claire’s chair. “Be careful. It might kill you. You can put your own damned groceries away.”
Gregor and I left the top floor. Seething, I practically ran back down to the bottom floor. Gregor arrived a few moments after I had thrown myself into a seat. He sat beside me, snuggling up as close as he could. I allowed myself to rest my head on his shoulder. I had always found him comfortable, but I didn’t think it was that bad. Before I knew it I was awake in our bed the next morning.
“Good morning, love.”
“Morning, Gregor. What happened?” I asked, scratching my head.
“Tried to attack me, didn’t they?”
“They did,” he said, walking over to the bed as I looked up. In his hands were two plates of chocolate chip pancakes with butter and syrup. “But that was just the idiot blond one.”
“Should I be worried?” I asked, yanking the plate he handed to me. Scooping the delicious substance known as chocolate and pancake batter into my mouth, I looked at him expectantly.
“Maybe a little,” he said, sitting beside me with his own. We ate in silence for a few moments before he leaned over and placed a big, sticky kiss to my cheek. Giggling, I playfully shoved him, but he caught me and pulled me into a loving hug. Pulling away, I took our plates of pancake remains down to the kitchen. A knock at the door stopped me from actually washing them.
I walked the short distance to the front shojo door and opened it.