Category Archives: Television Show Reviews

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Smash Fail–A Review

Smash is a show about creating a Broadway hit from complete scratch by two prominent writers. There are some major cliches in the entire thing (the sweet, naive girl from the south, the as–prick of a director, the seemingly innocent vixen who can’t keep her hands off the hunky singer) as well as somewhat original characters (the straight gay man). Including some major drama that should be shown on stage instead of behind curtains, I’m still not sure how to feel about this show.

The main character of Smash is Karen Cartwright, the naive and dreaming girl hoping to break out in some musicals. Okay, honey, you need to brush up on the jargon before you head into a big workshop where you’ll only be paid about $200 a week. I mean, really? And where the hell are your priorities? A major record owner wants you to meet him for a recording session, you don’t blow it off for a workshop you, again, only receive $200 for! I mean, seriously? Even a small town, legit inbred redneck would have passed on Marilyn the Musical. I would have. The only redeeming quality you have is that you refused to sleep your way to the top, though you could just bribe Derek with how much money your fiancee makes.

Sorry, way off point.

Karen auditions for the aforementioned musical and goes throughepisodes long of tension of whether or not she’ll get the part. And yes, there was more than one episode devoted to it.

Speaking of Derek… Derek Wills is a hotshot director, working on Marilyn because he has a personal friendship with Eileen (who’s going through her own shit). He is harsh and not well like by the only gay male main character who has any depth outside of sports. He tries to sleep with Karen and gets REJECTED. Seriously hard. She might have well dug her heels into his boner. He had that “I-got-kneed-in-the-balls-by-someone-in-eighteen-inch-heels” look on his face. It was pain. He finally gave the part to Ivy (whose a total sl–sexually minded female) because she had sex with him. I’m not sure who the bigger man-whore is really.

Eileen Rand is a producer for Broadway who just so happens to be divorcing her business partner. She’s an interesting character, mostly because she constantly douses her soon-to-be ex with a martini (snicker). Other than that, she really has no depth. I feel sorry for the actress.

Ivy Lynn is a former ensemble member who is a total slu–I mean sexually minded woman. She auditioned, same as Karen, and slept with Derek, obvious knowing that she was having sex with him for the part. I obviously disliked her, because she was keeping what she’d done from her friends. “Rumor Has It” alright, Adele.

There are two writers, who aren’t strong characters past their stereotypes. I wouldn’t bet on them. There are a few minor-ish characters who are only as deep as a piece of rice paper.

I’ve waited seven or eight episodes before I wrote this review, because I was waiting so long for the story to develop into something better. The only things that keeps me watching are the phenomenal vocal talents and the music. I understand that this is just the first season, so there will be some footing that still need to be cemented, but still. It isn’t working for me. Its like a bad fairy tale.

Anjelica Huston, what did you get yourself into? I mean, come on. You have a history of great stories and roles. I mean you were Morticia Addams!

Smash gets 2 out of 5 stars.

 


Alcatraz Premeire-Review

If you have not seen Alcatraz’s pilot, then do not read this article unless you want spoilers.

 

Alcatraz Notes to write review

The first episode starts with a voice-over of the information that we heard in the trailer for the TV show. As the voice-over speaks we approach Alcatraz by boat. Two men get off and something is obviously wrong. The guy that looks like Tobuscus says something and it starts a conversation for while before they go inside to find it pretty much empty. The voice over comes back and to be honest I can’t tell if the set of the old Alcatraz was actually Alcatraz, which would be ridiculous because there would not be that many people allowed to film in the prison itself.

We flash to the present where a little girl finds a man in one of the solitary confinement cells. The man seems disoriented and on the boat he opens the guide book to reveal a picture of himself. Is name is Jack.

Another flash back finds us with dear Jack following procedures until he is called out by a man in a suit. Guards tear about his cell and the deputy warden “finds” a weapon, though its obvious that he placed it there himself.

Not sure how much later we meet the main character chasing down a perp before we go to where she’s sitting with her boss. Apparently they need to give her a new partner. She’s called out because of a homicide of E.B. Tiller, a fed. The feds take over, giving us the Jurassic Park star Sam Neill as the main fed, and she sneaks off with evidence. Jack is the one who did it, big surprise.

Another flashback to Jack in solitary confinement where he isn’t sprung when he should be, then he’s back in the present with a key to a locker room and a gun. Then, we join Detective Madison in a bar where she speaks with an expert, played by a very slim version of a castaway from lost and his hair is still long and curly. They go to Alcatraz where we learn that the department Madison works for gave her a lock pick. Oh, yeah, that was smart. Then someone throws in one of those bombs that knock you out, whatever they’re called. I’m entertained by Neill’s performance when Madison wakes up.

Aparantly there is a secret lab under Alcatraz, run by Neill’s character. They learn that the transfer and death certificate for Jack Sylvane were bogus and he is too young for the amount of time he was supposedly alive. Much confusion ensues. Back in the past Jack’s blood is taken out and he speaks to another inmate by the number of 2002. Jack kills some cops before a Barkley Flynn is introduced. Jack commits another murder and runs off with a key in a soft, black bag.

The cops arrive on scene and find the dead Flynn. They find out that Jack’s wife remarried to his brother and Jack goes after him. The police break in after Jack left with his brother and left his nephew tied up. Madison finds Jack at his wife’s grave and points a gun at him. Jack is arrested.

Madison is invited to join Neill in his quest that he’s been on since he was a kid. Madison learns her grandfather was an inmate, not a guard at Alcatraz.

The acting was splendid and I was charged with electricity to know that Sam Neill was in it, since I love Jurassic Park. The dialogue was realistic and not just something they pulled out of their asses. The best thing was that they sent Jack to an exact replica of Alcatraz underground. It was awesome. The first episode got me hooked and I can’t wait until I can watch every single one. You can find the link to this episode here. It had a great pace, though the suspenseful music was a bit much in places.

I give the Alcatraz pilot 4 out of 5 stars.


Masters of Horror: Ghost Boat Ride

Two seasons. Twenty-six episodes total written by some of the best horror screenplay writers, or so the show says. Its a great concept and as a horror fanatic it seemed like the perfect series for me. I’ve seen it before, but it had been a few years, so when I found it on hulu I thought that I might as well watch it from the very beginning. The link is here. I reviewed each episodes for your enjoyment.

 

Masters of Horror is a series of one hour long stories that does not have a consecutive plot. If you are wondering how that’s possible, well there’s this cult classic from the 1960’s that also had been remastered when I was a child called The Outer Limits. Basically for one hour every week you get a scary or strange storytelling.

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Dream Cruise

 

An American living in Japan started an affair with a friend’s wife. He watched his brother die when they were kids and his friend practically forced him on to their boat named after his wife, Yuri. Eiji’s boat stops working so he goes and checks the propellers. Eiji almost died, but he was fine. He was possessed, though. Jack’s brother’s hat was in the water and his voice came over the radio. I guess it was Eiji’s wife he was possessed by, or his first wife. He attacks Yuri and she’s missing when Jack wakes up. Eiji gets stabbed, but no blood comes out. Then his arm falls off and he starts turning into the mess he would have been if he had not been possessed. Eiji’s hand grabs Jack’s leg and focuses on his wound. Meanwhile Yuri is stuck in the bathroom in serious need of Jack’s help.

Yuri sees as Eiji kills his first wife and feels the blows. We see what really happened. It is painful to watch as Jack fails at knowing the simplest CPR. I think we should rename him. Mr. Idiot manages to get Yuri to breathe by repeatedly hitting her. This does have the Japanese flair that all Japanese ghost stories have, but it could have more. Its too Americanized.

So Naomi takes over Yuri’s body, changing her clothes and making her look like the first wife. The only thing is that would not happen in an actual possession. Jack was just seeing things, like his brother. Ghosts can make you see what they want you to. They end up hiding in the bedroom and after the ghost has some sex with the door it starts to break. Then, we find out the boat has a crawl space and obviously the heroes aren’t smart enough to realize that they must close the door to the crawl space so that her trek to follow them runs too slow. Yuri and Jack have an argument about swimming in the ocean and the jump in.

Then starts the most boring chase scenes in the history of movies and television. They celebrate too soon and Yuri gets pulled under. Some relevant flashbacks to when Jack was a kid and we see his kid brother get Naomi off of Yuri. Brothers protect until the end. I’m assuming they got rescued because the next thing we see are the couple on a boat of their own. She is pregnant and if its a boy they’ll name him after his kid brother. Jack honors his brother sweetly.

The acting in this episode/film was amazing, but I do have a few more issues. It was directed by Norio Tsuruta, but it was not Japanese enough for me. If you are making a horror movie in Japan you have to do it in the same style, that way its more interesting. Americans see the American style all the time. Its the same way with ever other countries. They are used to their style all the time. So, it might be a good idea to do something new.

3 out of 5 remotes.


Masters of Horror: Early Cannibalistic Conspiracy Theories

 

Two seasons. Twenty-six episodes total written by some of the best horror screenplay writers, or so the show says. Its a great concept and as a horror fanatic it seemed like the perfect series for me. I’ve seen it before, but it had been a few years, so when I found it on hulu I thought that I might as well watch it from the very beginning. The link is here. I reviewed each episodes for your enjoyment.

 

Masters of Horror is a series of one hour long stories that does not have a consecutive plot. If you are wondering how that’s possible, well there’s this cult classic from the 1960’s that also had been remastered when I was a child called The Outer Limits. Basically for one hour every week you get a scary or strange storytelling.

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The Washingtonians

 

After the death of his grandmother a man brings his family to her home to go through her estate. He finds a letter behind the canvas of a painting of George Washington in the basement that suggests that there is something that we do not know about him. The Washingtonians are trying to keep that a secret, so they threaten his family. It seems that Washington was a cannibal. I know, its unbelievable. Though they did raise a good point. What do we know about the constitutional congress’ private life? Not much. Some one could have been a cannibal and we would never know it.

The acting was good, not amazing, but good. The reasoning for choosing Washington makes sense, but of all of the men who created our country I seriously doubt Washington would be a cannibal. The fact that the government covers up something that they are trying to reveal about the country makes no sense. I know they needed to find a way to save the family, but I could think of something better. They’d have to prepare them sometime, for example.

2 out of 5 stars.


Masters of Horror: Meet Mr. E. A. Poe

Two seasons. Twenty-six episodes total written by some of the best horror screenplay writers, or so the show says. Its a great concept and as a horror fanatic it seemed like the perfect series for me. I’ve seen it before, but it had been a few years, so when I found it on hulu I thought that I might as well watch it from the very beginning. The link is here. I reviewed each episodes for your enjoyment.

 

Masters of Horror is a series of one hour long stories that does not have a consecutive plot. If you are wondering how that’s possible, well there’s this cult classic from the 1960’s that also had been remastered when I was a child called The Outer Limits. Basically for one hour every week you get a scary or strange storytelling.

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The Black Cat

 

Based on the title one would think that this episode is a video rendition of Edgar A. Poe’s story and in a way you would be right. We watch as Edgar recites a poem for his beloved wife and submit it to a publisher who asks for a story. We watch as he hallucinates time after time. Soon, he is so deeply ingrained in his hallucinations he can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Such is how “The Black Cat” is formed.

The acting was phenominal and I enjoyed the gothic settings. The blatant gothic overtures thrilled me. I adored the cute little cat. I think its amazing how they incorporated Edgar’s drunkeness and his insanity as it built. His wife was sick while he wrote. I wished I could’ve seen more.

3 out of 5 stars.


Masters of Horror: Another Two for One Spcial!

Two seasons. Twenty-six episodes total written by some of the best horror screenplay writers, or so the show says. Its a great concept and as a horror fanatic it seemed like the perfect series for me. I’ve seen it before, but it had been a few years, so when I found it on hulu I thought that I might as well watch it from the very beginning. The link is here. I reviewed each episodes for your enjoyment.

 

Masters of Horror is a series of one hour long stories that does not have a consecutive plot. If you are wondering how that’s possible, well there’s this cult classic from the 1960’s that also had been remastered when I was a child called The Outer Limits. Basically for one hour every week you get a scary or strange storytelling.

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Right to Die

 

On the way to a party a couple get into an accident. The wife is burned beyond recognition while the husband got away without so much as a scratch. He has a dream that Abby comes to him in the bathtub. Mere moments before we learned that he cheated on his wife. Why would anyone cheat on that babe? He was going to pull the plug, but his mother-in-law decides to sue and take the money that would come with the settlement. Everything is about money here. His side wins and she kills the lawyer.

The husband kills his mistress and his wife died in the hospital. He goes home and decides to hide his crime by throwing it all n the trash before wheeling it out.

The dialogue was believable until he went psycho on us. That wasn’t something that would have actually happened. Also the mistress would not have still been alive after that much skin was taken off. Its just not possible.

1 out of 5 remotes

 

We All Scream for Ice Cream

 

A practical joke turned murder haunts a group of friends into their adult years. When one of the member returns the clown they murdered starts handing out ice cream to their children The children take a bite and one by one they melt like hot ice cream. The clown seemed to torture his wife. Soon there is only one left, the one who left town. He comes at night, is frozen, and hands out killer ice cream bars. What is the moral here? Not to take free ice cream or not to kill people? Or is it both?

Okay, now seriously, aren’t clowns over used? I know everyone has some underlying fear of the things, but seriously? Also, throwing water on a man who is frozen already? Is that really smart? I would think that it would make him more powerful. I mean he’s already frozen. I wish we could have gotten to know Buster a little more than we got. We got the evil one, but what about the goofy, lovable one? I am glad they explained it this time around.

3 out of 5 remotes.